


Obligatory Chat Fic

by Barrel



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gender-Neutral My Unit | Kamui | Corrin, Humor, I saw that there was no fef chat fic so I wrote it ur welcome, Multi, chat fic, hinted Xander/Laslow, like super hinted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-04 03:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11546682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barrel/pseuds/Barrel
Summary: dragonsrbadassaddedH2O,Ryoma,Xander,Everyone’sMom, and5 othersto the chatdragonsrbadass: get along yallPonytailSquad#1: do you expect that to happen when you made me read yall with my own two eyesdragonsrbadass: nyalldvePonytailSquad#1left the chatdragonsrbadass: 3:-I realised that fef didn't have a chat fic and decided to fix that





	1. Tomatoes

**Author's Note:**

> fef being set in a fantasy setting won't stop me from making it have a chat fic  
> -  
> Corrin: dragonsrbadass  
> Azura: H2O  
> Ryoma: Ryoma  
> Xander: Xander  
> Hinoka: blaze420  
> Camilla: Everyone'sMom  
> Takumi: PonytailSquad#1  
> Leo: tomatoes  
> Sakura: 100mochis  
> Elise: princesselise

**dragonsrbadass** added **H2O** , **Ryoma** , **Xander** , **Everyone’sMom** , and **5 others** to the chat

dragonsrbadass: get along yall

PonytailSquad#1: do you expect that to happen when you made me read yall with my own two eyes

dragonsrbadass: nyalldve

 **PonytailSquad#1** left the chat

dragonsrbadass: 3:

tomatoes: what is this

dragonsrbadass: a groupchat for the whole Fam!!

Everyone’sMom: that’s a wonderful idea corrin

dragonsrbadass: HA! see azura!! this was a good idea!!!

H2O: takumi already left 

100mochis: please add him back….

dragonsrbadass: anything for my fav lil sis

princesselise: what about me!!!!!!

dragonsrbadass: anything for one of my fav lil sis

draongsrbadass: sis’s

draongsrbadass: siss

draongsrbadass: sisses

H2O: just add him back corrin 

draongsrbadass: k

 **dragonsrbadass** added **PonytailSquad#1** to the chat 

PonytailSquad#1: no

 **PonytailSquad#1** left the chat 

 **dragonsrbadass** added **PonytailSquad#1** to the chat 

PonytailSquad#1: let me out

blaze420: spare urself the pain and just stay takumi

tomatoes: who is blaze420

Ryoma: Hinoka who else

blaze420: lol ‘who else’

dragonsrbadass: ryoma!!!

H2O: xander’s the only one who hasn’t spoken yet

dragonsrbadass: I bet he only responds to work related stuff

 **PonytailSquad#1** renamed the chat to **Work Related Stuff**

blaze420: lol 

Xander: What is this. 

blaze420: LOL

PonytailSquad#1: hey look it actually worked

tomatoes: that’s just a coincidence

PonytailSquad#1: okay nerd

dragonsrbadass: it’s a groupchat for the whole family xander!!

Xander: Oh. That’s nice.

blaze420: does xander have autocorrect on

Everyone’sMom: he does

blaze420: lmao

princesselise: xander and ryoma’s names are the only boring ones here!!! they should change it!!

Ryoma: ……boring?

Xander: My name isn’t boring? It’s just my name.

blaze420: that’s exactly why it’s boring

dragonsrbadass: I propose lobster and ramen

tomatoes: lol

PonytailSquad#1: lol

H2O: pineapple

 **PonytailSquad#1** left **Work Related Stuff**

tomatoes: lol

 **dragonsrbadass** added **PonytailSquad#1** to **Work Related Stuff**  

PonytailSquad#1: dammit 

dragonsrbadass: stay

Ryoma: I’m still not going to change my name

Xander: Agreed.

princesselise: ugh fine Old People

Xander: …..Old?

Everyone’sMom: elise sweetie, I think you made xander cry

princesselise: oops

princesselise: okay then! next victim!!! leo!!!

tomatoes: what

princesselise: ur username is just tomatoes

blaze420: dats tru, whys it just tomatoes

tomatoes: because I like tomatoes

PonytailSquad#1: he wants to fuck one

tomatoes: no!??!!

Everyone’sMom: takumi there are children here

PonytailSquad#1: oops

princesselise: I know what fuck means

100mochis: me too 

Everyone’sMom: my children….. growing up so fast……

tomatoes: why didn’t you pick on sakura??? she has 100mochis as her name???

princesselise: because she’s sakura

PonytailSquad#1: sakura is amazing and good and I’d lay down my life for her

100mochis: >/////<

PonytailSquad#1: also she doesnt have a tomato kink unlike SOMEONE

princesselise: whats a kink

Everyone’sMom: nothing you need to know dear

tomatoes: WH no I don’t??? 

dragonsrbadass: lmao leo has a tomato kink????

H2O: goodness

tomatoes: I don’t???? takumi stop feeding them lies

PonytailSquad#1: can ur so called nonexistent tomato kink explain why u lustfully whispered tomatoes???????

PonytailSquad#1: in the dead of the night????

PonytailSquad#1: AT 4 AM????

tomatoes: I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE???

PonytailSquad#1: UR NOT DENYING IT

tomatoes: FU

 **tomatoes** left **Work Related Stuff**

PonytailSquad#1: corrin add him back and make him accept the truth

dragonsrbadass: lmao

 **dragonsrbadass** added **tomatoes** to **Work Related Stuff**

tomatoes: nooooo

blaze420: I didnt think Id ever see the day leo gets kinkshamed

Xander: He had to accept it eventually. 

blaze420: LMAO

 **tomatoes** left **Work Related Stuff**

 **dragonsrbadass** added **tomatoes** to **Work Related Stuff**

tomatoes: let me die

PonytailSquad#1: same

H2O: this was a mistake

dragonsrbadass: its really not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leo has a tomato kink pass it on
> 
> this was pretty fun, I'll probably write more when I have writers block on my other fic


	2. Expose Leo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tomatoes: I could have lived the rest of my days without anyone knowing but no, takumi has to expose me to not only one, but two families
> 
> Everyone’sMom: it can be one if u try
> 
> tomatoes: what
> 
> Everyone’sMom: what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you know how I said I would only write this when I had writers block, turns out I lied

[4.20 pm]

blaze420: haha blaze

Ryoma: Hinoka aren't you at work

blaze420: yea lol

Ryoma: Hinoka

blaze420: finee

 

[7.00 pm]

blaze420: remember when we talked abt usernames

tomatoes: don’t bring this up again

blaze420: just accept it leo

PonytailSquad#1: the first stage is denial

blaze420: oh good takumi ur here

blaze420: I was going to ask u smth

blaze420: but now that leo mentioned it Im going to have to ask u 2 things

tomatoes: wait no

PonytailSquad#1: what is it

blaze420: how did u hear leo lustfully whisper tomatoes

blaze420: and at 4am

PonytailSquad#1: wat

dragonsrbadass: oo I wanna know too!!

princesselise: me too!!!!

Everyone’sMother: me as well

H2O: I’m interested

100mochis: me too

Ryoma: sounds interesting

tomatoes: guys

Xander: I would like to know as well.

tomatoes: why has everyone turned against me

PonytailSquad#1: …

tomatoes: takumi don’t

PonytailSquad#1: well

tomatoes: takumi why

PonytailSquad#1: so u know how I sometimes crash in leo’s room overnight

Everyone’sMom: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

blaze420: shhh

PonytailSquad#1: suddenly I dont want to continue

tomatoes: thank you

PonytailSquad#1: nvm Ill continue lol

tomatoes: dammit

PonytailSquad#1: and I wake up in the middle of the night As Usual

PonytailSquad#1: so I go to the kitchen and what do I see

PonytailSquad#1: leo sitting in the kitchen with the lights off holding a singular tomato

PonytailSquad#1: he then proceeded to lustfully whisper ‘tomatoes’ under his breath

princesselise: leo what the fuck

Everyone’sMom: elise language!!!

princesselise: sorry

Everyone’sMom: but also leo what the fuck

blaze420: lmao?????

dragonsrbadass: wait but leo knows u saw him

PonytailSquad#1: yea bc I announced my presence by quoting elise’s exact words above

PonytailSquad#1: I think I startled him bc he dropped his tomato and it dramatically landed on the floor splattering everywhere

Xander: Leo why.

tomatoes: I was sleep deprived and running on 15 cups of coffee alright

tomatoes: at least takumi helped me clean up the mess

PonytailSquad#1: leo looked like he was going to cry when we threw it away lol

tomatoes: stop

dragonsrbadass: that was a wild ride from start to finish

tomatoes: I could have lived the rest of my days without anyone knowing but no, takumi has to expose me to not only one, but two families

Everyone’sMom: it can be one if u try

tomatoes: what

Everyone’sMom: what

blaze420: fascinating story but!! takumi!!! I have another question!!

PonytailSquad#1: again?

blaze420: I said 2 didnt I

PonytailSquad#1: fine

blaze420: I was wondering about ur username

PonytailSquad#1: oh

PonytailSquad#1: oboro and hinata made me change it

blaze420: well yea but are they #2 and #3 or just #2

dragonsrbadass: tru I can’t see either of them settling for #3

PonytailSquad#1: hinatas #3

blaze420: omg

dragonsrbadass: how???

PonytailSquad#1: they had this whole series of ridiculous competitions that I didnt bother tracking for #2

PonytailSquad#1: oboro won obviously

PonytailSquad#1: but just barely

PonytailSquad#1: I think hinata cried

PonytailSquad#1: I didnt even want this as my username

tomatoes: your friends are ridiculous

PonytailSquad#1: didnt I see odin naruto run in the hallways last week

tomatoes: I don’t know him

Everyone’sMom: oh odin? I like him, hes a sweetheart

tomatoes: seriously?

Everyone’sMom: he reminds me of you when you had your emo phase in your early adolescent years, with all the shouting of darkness and whatnot

tomatoes: …

dragonsrbadass: now that u mention it he really does

PonytailSquad#1: I thought leo is still in his emo phase

PonytailSquad#1: unless ur saying he was more when he was younger

dragonsrbadass: ya lol

PonytailSquad#1: tell me more

tomatoes: no

tomatoes: you see nothing

princesselise: aww I dont really remember much when leo was that age

Everyone’sMom: don’t worry dear I have photos

dragonsrbadass: me too!! 

Xander: As do I.

PonytailSquad#1: send them over to me

H2O: me as well please

tomatoes: stop

blaze420: lmao so far the main use of this chat is to expose leo

 **princesselise** changed the chat name from **Work Related Stuff** to **Expose Leo**

tomatoes: elise no

PonytailSquad#1: elise yes

princesselise: elise yes

princesselise: ayyyyyy

PonytailSquad#1: ayyy

 **tomatoes** left **Expose Leo**

 **dragonsrbadass** added **tomatoes** to **Expose Leo**  

dragonsrbadass: stop trying to leave

tomatoes: no

 

[9.00 pm]

blaze420: shouldn’t more people mod

blaze420: what if smth needs to change and corrin isn’t available 

dragonsrbadass: tru 

 **H2O, Ryoma, Xander, Evervone’sMom,** are now mods

blaze420: um why do camilla and azura get to be mods but not me

dragonsrbadass: hinoka I love u but look me in the eye and tell me u wouldnt abuse ur mod powers

blaze420: k point

 **Everyone’sMom** removed **blaze420** from **Expose Leo**

PonytailSquad#1: lol

100mochis: oh no

Ryoma: do I want to know why

Everyone’sMom: I wanted to see if I can

dragonsrbadass: camilla ur mod rights are revoked

Everyone’sMom: oh no

 **Everyone’sMom** removed **dragonsrbadass** from **Expose Leo**

tomatoes: what

PonytailSquad#1: omfg

H2O: sigh

 **H2O** removed **Everyone’sMom** from **Expose Leo**

 **H20** added **dragonsrbadass** and **blaze420** to **Expose Leo**

 **dragonsrbadass** is now a mod 

 **H20** added **Everyone’sMom** to **Expose Leo**

Everyone’sMom: my tyranny was short lived

dragonsrbadass: why??????

Everyone’sMom: too much power

blaze420: and u say I would abuse my powers

dragonsrbadass: as usual azura saves me from my own mess

 

[4.20 am]

PonytailSquad#1: blaze

blaze420: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZE

 **blaze420** changed the chat name from **Expose Leo** to **420** **BLAZE IT**

 **blaze420** changed the chat name from **420 BLAZE IT** to **Expose Leo**

[6.45 am]

tomatoes: wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leo is very easy to tease, sorry leo
> 
> also please feel free to comment which parts are your favs so I know what kind of convos to keep writing ✧


	3. @

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tomatoes: takumi I know how to wield a sword
> 
> PonytailSquad#1: so do I lol
> 
> Everyone’sMom: is this foreplay
> 
> H2O: perhaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [write a thousand words on my actual fic]  
> time to get distracted

[12.05 pm] 

tomatoes: okay I can understand takumi being up at that hour but what was hinoka doing

blaze420: thats my little secret ;)

PonytailSquad#1: don’t do that

Everyone’sMom: please don’t tell me you set an alarm to be awake at 4.20

Ryoma: Hinoka

Ryoma: we talked about this

blaze420: .

blaze420: do you want me to lie

Ryoma: Hinoka

blaze420: lol

Everyone’sMom: hinoka please spend the night to actually sleep

blaze420: lol

100mochis: big sis that’s unhealthy :/

blaze420: oh shit

blaze420: guess I have to now

Ryoma: why is that the one that did it

Everyone’sMom: no one can resist sakura’s charms

PonytailSquad#1: lol sleep whats that

100mochis: big bro do you want to talk about it (✿˵•́ ^ •̀˵)

PonytailSquad#1: nah lol

blaze420: why is sakura being a better mother figure than me

Ryoma: you were before but stopped being that when you were 8

blaze420: k tru

PonytailSquad#1: @100mochis pm me

Ryoma: wonder what they are talking about

tomatoes: wow

blaze420: ??

Everyone’sMom: shhh they’re trying

 

[2.53 pm]

tomatoes: I’d fuck a tomato if I could

 

[5.48 pm]

blaze420: what

dragonsrbadass: omg leo

H2O: how straightforward

Everyone’sMom: leo language please

tomatoes: what

tomatoes: wait

tomatoes: no

blaze420: lol

tomatoes: that wasn’t me

H2O: who could have done this

dragonsrbadass: I think we all know lol

tomatoes: takumi

tomatoes: takumi you little shit come online

tomatoes: takumi

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

tomatoes: takumi

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

tomatoes: @PonytailSquad#1

PonytailSquad#1: whos spamming me

PonytailSquad#1: oh lol

 **PonytailSquad#1** left **Expose Leo**

tomatoes: TAKUMI 

 **H2O** added **PonytailSquad#1** to **Expose Leo**

tomatoes: takumi why

PonytailSquad#1: I dont know what youre talking about lol

tomatoes: you just punctuated your sentence with lol you know exactly what you did

PonytailSquad#1: lol

tomatoes: I left my phone for less than a minute

PonytailSquad#1: lol

tomatoes: I know where you live

PonytailSquad#1: the worst damage you can do to me is to whack me with a book using your puny nerd arms

tomatoes: takumi I know how to wield a sword

PonytailSquad#1: so do I lol

Everyone’sMom: is this foreplay

H2O: perhaps

princesselise: whats foreplay

Everyone’sMom: nothing

tomatoes: camilla please, takumi and I are in the middle of something

PonytailSquad#1: not really

dragonsrbadass: u sure are ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

PonytailSquad#1: what

dragonsrbadass: oh nothing

tomatoes: takumi we see each other every weekday and more you cant hide from me

PonytailSquad#1: watch me lol 

 **PonytailSquad#1** pinned a message

 **PonytailSquad#1** changed the chat name from **Expose Leo** to **Leo would fuck a tomato if he could**

PonytailSquad#1: lol

toamtoes: t a k u m i

tomatoes: …

dragonsrbadass: I think he went offline lol

tomatoes: I am going to strangle him with my bare hands tomorrow

Everyone’sMom: kinky

tomatoes: camilla stop

Everyone’sMom: no

 

 [7.35 pm]

PonytailSquad#1: hey leo is gaming night this weekend still up

tomatoes: _what do you think_

PonytailSquad#1: uh

PonytailSquad#1: yes?

tomatoes: **no**

PonytailSquad#1: k

 

[9.48 pm]

blaze420: hey leo why dont u change the chat name

tomatoes: because I know takumi will change it back the instant I do and I don’t have the energy to deal with that

PonytailSquad#1: hes not wrong

tomaotes: takumi

PonytailSquad#1: oops

PonytailSquad#1: bye

H2O: are you two still avoiding each other

tomatoes: I’m not avoiding anyone

tomatoes: takumi’s just a coward

blaze420: wow

blaze420: I guess takumi really is offline

dragonsrbadass: yea hed be here to argue with leo by now

Everyone’sMom: I miss them ;’(

tomatoes: camilla it’s only been a few hours

Everyone’sMom: ;”(

tomatoes: what is that

dragonsrbadass: I realized that sakura, ryoma, and xander barely use this chat

100mochis: elise and I talk on pm

princesselise: yea!!

princesselise: and the adults are being stuffy

blaze420: ….am I not an adult

Everyone’sMom: we are lumped in this together

blaze420: @Ryoma

Ryoma: what is it?

blaze420: nothing just checking if ur alive

Ryoma: Hinoka we are sitting across from each other at the dining table

blaze420: u never can be sure

dragonsrbadass: @Xander

dragonsrbadass: …

dragonsrbadass: oh come on

dragonsrbadass: @Xander

dragonsrbadass: @Xander

dragonsrbadass: @Xander

dragonsrbadass: :’/

dragonsrbadass: betrayed by my own family

Ryoma: don’t worry you have us

Ryoma: your real family

Everyone’sMom: … was that a joke....or not a joke

tomatoes: I

tomatoes: I can’t tell

H2O: I think it’s both

dragonsrbadass: xander is still not on

Everyone’sMom: dont worry I got this

Everyone’sMom: @Xander Xander dear, your cute little assistant is here to drop something off

Everyone’sMom: uwu

tomatoes: don’t use that face ever again

Everyone’sMom: ow<

blaze420: u only made her stronger

Xander: Camilla? Did you say that Laslow is here?

Everyone’sMom: lol here he is

dragonsrbadass: oh shit she did it

Xander: Did I miss something?

Xander: Also why is the chat name like that?

tomatoes: please….. just ignore it

Xander: Alright.

dragonsrbadass: wait doesn’t xander have 2 personal assistants

blaze420: ya lol

Everyone’sMom: he knows its laslow bc hes a little gay for him

Xander: What? No I’m not.

Xander: Camilla? Is Laslow still here?

Everyone’sMom: I was just bluffing he didnt come lol

Xander: Oh. Alright.

Everyone’sMom: (he’s actually very disappointed)

Xander: Camilla is that supposed to be a whisper? Because this is text and I can see it.

Everyone’sMom: oh I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had another idea but I got sidetracked on a sidetrack, amazing


End file.
